When we talked about persecution, we talked about forgiveness. It generated some interesting discussion in Message+, so I figured we would do a follow-up. What does it truly mean to forgive as Christians? So, let’s unpack what it is, what it isn't, and how it shapes our lives as followers of Jesus.
I’ve been really challenged the past two years on my own journey: what does it look like to forgive people who hurt me so badly? Is it a decision, a feeling? Do others need to repent first? Should life go on as if everything is okay? Does reconciliation mean we become besties? Lots of question.
So, I am working on understanding biblical forgiveness, and I invite you to work on it with me. Think of this as workshopping how to understand forgiveness.
What is forgiveness? At its core, forgiveness is a participation in what Jesus did for us. Paul wrote,“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”(Colossians 3:13) I really loved Harrison’s explanation of how the Bible puts such great imagery around the use of aphiēmi (af-ee-ay-mee).
Matthew 6:12 KJV: “And aphiēmi (discharge) us our debts, as we aphiēmi our debtors.”
Matthew 4:20 KJV: “And they straightaway aphiēmi (cast away) their nets, and followed him.”
Matthew 8:15 KJV: “And he touched her hand, and the fever aphiēmi (let her go): and she arose, and ministered unto them.”
Forgiveness is release someone of a debt, letting them go, casting away our need to see justice unfold on our terms. Forgiveness means that we hand the debt owed to us over to God rather than insisting that we collect it ourselves. We release our burdens of hurt and sorrow to the care of a righteous judge, trusting that the plan God has for dealing with those who have hurt us is better than ours.[1]
Forgiveness Comes from the Forgiven. As Paul writes in Colossians 1:13-14, Jesus,
"…has rescued us from the dominion of darkness... in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
We've been forgiven an enormous debt (Ephesians 1:7-8). As C.S. Lewis wisely noted,
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”– C.S. Lewis
How can we, who have received such mercy, withhold it? "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13)
Forgiveness Is Mandatory.
Peter once asked Jesus if forgiveness was to be offered seven times (Matthew 18). The rabbis at the time taught that forgiving someone more than three times was unnecessary. Peter was suggesting more than double the mandated maximum. They would have been stunned by Jesus’ lavish answer of 70x7 (which was a very Jewish way of saying there is no end). They were used to a law that had limits, not a grace that did not.
Jesus followed that up with the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. God has forgiven us an enormous debt; how ungrateful must we be if we don’t do the same for others?
But the mandatory nature of forgiveness isn’t just for the one who needs to be forgiven. It’s for the one forgiving. Think of it this way.
God’s forgiveness is always given — that’s grace.
Our forgiveness of others is how we live into that grace — that’s transformation.
If we refuse to forgive, we block the flow of that grace in ourselves, not because God retracts it, but because forgiveness is the language of the Kingdom, and we’ve refused to speak it.
If I may note the wisdom of this on a practical level: we will probably assume God and others forgive us in the same way we forgive others. If we forgive partially and reluctantly and keep score somewhere, that’s probably how we view the forgiveness of God and others. This is the advice of a loving Father: forgive as God forgives. Forgive fully and freely. It will help us understand the nature of God’s forgiveness.
Forgiveness Requires Honesty. We must acknowledge the sin's impact on individuals, relationships, and communities. If someone says, “I’m sorry,” we don’t have to just say, “That’s okay. It was nothing.” It wasn't okay (though it might be eventually); it wasn’t nothing.
Sin leaves marks; ignoring them hinders true restoration. Be honest about the offense's depth so the offender understands the preciousness of forgiveness in light of the depth of the damage.
Forgiveness is NOT saying,“It’s okay.” The sin of harming Abba’s dear children is NOT okay. Abuse and oppression are never acceptable. Forgiveness must not minimize injustice or the damage it does.
Forgiveness is NOT saying,“I'm okay.” Healing can take years. Genuine forgiveness does not ask anyone to skip any stage of the grieving and healing process.
Forgiveness is NOT saying, “You're okay.” The offender is not simply off the hook. Repentance includes facing consequences, which may include incarceration, rehabilitation, restitution and restoration.
Forgiveness is NOT saying, “We're okay.” Forgiveness may include but does not require the victim of injustice to re-enter a relationship with the offender. That may not be possible or even safe. One can forgive and be healed without ever [regaining the relationship they once had] with the offender.” (Brad Jersak)
The chorus of a popular song goes, “I’m not okay - [it's not okay, right now] -but it’s all going to be alright.” This is gospel hope. Even when it is hard to envision full recovery and genuine restoration in a world full of things that are not okay, we know there is a day when all things will be made new (Revelation 21:5), and Jesus will reconcile all things to himself (Colossians 1:20).
Forgiveness Is Patiently Anticipatory.
The Parable of the Two Sons (or the Prodigal Son) in Luke 15 reminds us that it is God who will wake people up in the midst of their sin. We may be the instrument God uses, but… we may not be. And I can almost guarantee that people who sin against us often (usually?) won’t respond with our sense of timing.
We can be so quick to want people to repent NOW and thoroughly. But… do we do this all the time? Or did it take some time to really see and understand our sin? How long did people faithfully invest in us before, like the Prodigal Son, we “came to your senses” by the grace of God and repented?
When I was coaching, there was a parent who really didn’t like me. He would write me weekly letters several pages long chronicling all the ways I failed. He would glare at me all the time. He disinvited me from his son’s wedding. Then Braden decided that this man was the coolest guy in the room during basketball games, and would climb to the top of the bleachers to sit with him game after game (Braden was probably 3 or 4). One night after a game this man was waiting for me. I braced myself. All he said was, “You and I have had our differences, but you must be doing something right as a father.” That was the most repentance I was going to get. Of course I forgive you. It took a while, but we got there. We’ve been good ever since.
Forgiveness Does Not Delete History—It Covers It. You may be thinking that God "will remember [our sins] no more" (Hebrews 8:12; Jeremiah 31:34) and removes them "as far as the east is from the west" (Psalm 103:12).
Every commentary I read noted that this is not literal amnesia.[2] It’s the best human language we have to explain that God does not hold our sins against us when our sins are covered by the blood of Jesus. Paul remembered his sins and wrote about them to churches. If God had forgotten, then Paul remembered something about his history that God did not. If I pray and ask God for ongoing healing for my past (forgiven) sins, God is not confused by my request. He knows why I’m asking. He just does not hold them against me.
Memory was not part of the fall. It’s one of the good gifts God has given us. We are meant to learn from our past successes and failures. It’s part of how we mature. We will never gain necessary wisdom if we forget what it was like to be in chains to sin.
We will also not appreciate the forgiveness God and others show us if we forget how much we gave them to forgive. We will not be able to encourage others with our testimonies of God’s grace if we can’t remember why God showed us grace in the first place.
Forgiveness Does Not Cancel Accountability or Consequences. After Adam and Eve sinned, God provided a means of forgiveness…but also explained what the fallout was going to look like. God forgave Moses…but Moses did not enter the Promised Land. Paul noted in Galatians 6 that we will harvest what we plant. It’s a principle God has embedded in the world, and God will not be mocked.
If I steal your wallet, but return the wallet and ask for forgiveness, forgiveness should be granted. But are you going to leave your wallet out again when I am around? Wisdom would suggest you keep your wallet close, at least until you trust that I am trustworthy.
If I share a deep secret you told me in confidence, and I repent and ask you to forgive me, you should extend forgiveness. But you probably shouldn’t tell me a deep secret again until you trust that I am trustworthy.
If you hurt or offend your spouse or a friend, ask for forgiveness. But don’t become annoyed if they put up some boundaries so they don’t get hurt again.
Charles Stanley wrote,
“Forgiveness is relational; consequences are circumstantial.”
Life is not an etch-o-sketch. We can’t just shake the picture that we’ve drawn and pretend it never happened. We have hurt people. Extending forgiveness is not the same as overlooking the impact of sin. Accountability and protection can go along with forgiveness.
Forgiveness Might Be a Process. It doesn't always happen overnight. We may forgive sincerely, yet feelings resurface, requiring repeated surrender. It's an ongoing choice, leading to healing.
When Joseph first saw his brothers as an adult, he could have forgiven them on the spot. He didn’t.
He jailed them for three days, demanded they bring their youngest brother, threw Simeon in jail so they would have to come back, and hid their money in their grain sacks (which made for a pretty terrifying find). When they left, he wept.
When they returned, he wept at seeing his younger brother.
When they left again, he hid his own cup in the bag of his younger brother.
When they were ‘caught’ and brought back to Egypt with the assumption they would all be slaves - which Joseph confirmed - Judah told him he was “just like Pharoah.”
It was only then he revealed himself, and he wept so loudly that servants in other rooms could hear him. (Genesis 41-45)
For Joseph’s brothers to go back and forth – and to eat all their grain from the first trip before they made another trip – I assume this unfolded over months. It sure reads as if Joseph needed some time to sort some things out.
So if forgiveness feels slow or unfinished, don’t despair. Joseph’s tears and hesitation were not signs of failure; they were part of the process. God can handle your struggle. What matters is that you keep turning your heart toward mercy, one honest step at a time. In the end, forgiveness is less about how quickly we reach the destination and more about walking faithfully with the God who heals us along the way.
Forgiveness Is Worth Celebrating. The prodigal's return sparked a feast. We celebrate restoration, not to deny the past, but to revel in the present moment and future hope. The father of the Prodigal Son was overjoyed the son had returned. It was the legalistic brother who said, “How dare you celebrate that boy after what he did to you. ”
This one is hard, especially if you are the one who has been wounded by someone else’s sin. Yet I think our reactions to other situations are instructive here. Don't we love that the Amish community forgave the shooter? Don’t we love the stories of parents who forgive their child’s killer? We applaud, as we should. We aren’t opposed to the principle. It’s just hard when it applies to us. This is the cross we take up; this is cost of discipleship; this is what God commands – and equips us to do.
Conclusion/Summary
Forgiveness happens when we release our offenders to Christ’s judgment, rather than chaining our hearts to them with resentment. This doesn’t mean we bypass human justice systems when necessary. But it means our healing doesn’t depend on human courts getting it right.
Forgiveness happens when we release our burdens of hurt, grief, anger, loss and sorrow to Abba’s care, rather than stuffing them or fashioning them into weapons.
Forgiveness happens when we release the debt of the other’s offense into God's hands. Even if they repent sincerely and make restitution, our offenders can never cover the debt of harms done. We must let God bear that burden—ours and theirs.
Forgiveness happens when we release our healing into God’s hands. No one’s punishment or repentance is sufficient to heal us. Only God can truly do that.
Forgiveness happens when, having let go, we surrender our lives to Christ’s love and care.
Forgiveness is NOT easy. The Passion—the torture and death, the burden of our sin—cost Christ everything. Forgiveness is not easy for those who’ve been devastated by the hurts and trespasses (violations) of others…
Forgiveness is the most demanding, excruciating process we’ll ever experience. Forgiveness is cruciformity itself. (Brad Jersak)
Forgiveness may feel like death—it’s cruciform—but it’s the new creation breaking in. Every act of forgiveness is a small resurrection, a sign that the Kingdom of God is alive in us. When we choose to forgive, we're not just releasing the offender; we're unlocking the chains that bind us to pain and resentment. We're stepping into the radiant light of God's love, where healing, restoration, and freedom dwell.
For this reason, forgiveness is not just personal—it’s missional. Every time we forgive, we show the world what God is like. In a culture that prizes revenge, forgiveness is a revolution. It’s how light breaks into darkness. It’s how the Church reveals the beauty of Jesus to a watching world.
So may we become a people who forgive—not because it’s easy, but because it’s Christ in us, reconciling the world to himself.
Imagine a world where forgiveness reigns, where the cycle of hurt and anger is broken, and where love and mercy flow freely. That's the world Jesus invites us to live in. This is a foretaste of the world to come, when Christ will reconcile all things to himself.
Every time we forgive, we are aligning ourselves with that future—the day when every wound will be healed, all tears wiped away, and even our enemies made friend through the reconciliation of Jesus.
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[1] When we hear the phrase “spiritual warfare,” we probably think of a spiritual battle taking place in the unseen world. I would like to suggest that forgiveness one of the greatest acts of spiritual warfare, because unforgiveness is a win for Satan (2 Corinthians 2:11).
[2] “This is evidently spoken after the manner of men, and in accordance with human apprehension. It cannot mean literally that God forgets that people are sinners, but it means that he treats them as if this were forgotten. Their sins are not charged upon them, and they are no more punished than if they had passed entirely out of the recollection.” – Matthew Henry, on Hebrews 8:12
“This is another phrase to express the forgiveness of sins, and distinguishes the new covenant from the old one, or the former dispensation; in which, though there were many typical sacrifices, and a typical removal of sin, yet there was a remembrance of it every year.” Gill’s Exposition Of The Bible, on Hebrews 8:12
“As far as possible; as far as we can imagine. These are the points in our apprehension most distant from each other, and as we can conceive nothing beyond them, so the meaning is, that we cannot imagine our sins could be more effectually removed than they are. “ Barne’s Notes On The Bible
“…and by this means so effectually, and so far, are their transgressions removed, that they shall never be seen any more, nor ever be imputed to them, nor be brought against them to their condemnation; in consequence of which, pardon is applied to them, and so sin is removed from their consciences, as before observed; see Leviticus 16:21.” - Gill’s Exposition Of The Entire Bible
“He will, in the language of another prophet, “blot out” the sins which yet belong to the indelible and irrevocable past (Isaiah 43:25; Isaiah 44:22).” Elliot’s Commentary For English Readers, on Jeremiah 31:34