The Story of Your Life (The Path of Life)


When we tell the story of their lives, we mention three different things: What’s been done for us, what’s been done to us, and what we decided to do. “What’s been done for us” is another way of talking about the things others have done that prepared us or helped us through life.

  • I was born and raised as a Weber, surrounded by godly family. I have one sibling by birth and one by adoption. My parents loved me.
  • I was born Mennonite. I learned the Bible and good theology; my pastors and Sunday School teachers and youth leaders taught me about God and for the most part showed me Christ.
  • I was born and raised in Alabama, moved to Oregon, then to Ohio where I naturally became a Buckeye. These were important experiences in molding my life.
  • My parents sent me to Christian schools all my life. I made godly friends; my teachers taught me taught me truth and modeled both justice and grace as they put up with a lot from me.
  • Doctors sowed up my cut-off toes (and both bad knees and a foot and soon a shoulder)
  • TC Christian and this church have put up with me while giving me time to mature as a teacher, a preacher, a pastor, a coach, and person.
  • My wife said “yes” and then has said “I forgive you” a lot of times.
  • My friends put up with my idiosyncracies and faults.
  • Jesus Christ gave his life so that I could live.

 So “What’s been done for us” is a list of things that have helped us to thrive. “What’s been done to us” is another way of saying things that happened that made life hard.

  • I was mocked as a kid because I was overweight.
  • So many of my peers rejected when we lived in Oregon, or would be nice when I was at their house then join in with the mockers at school.
  • I felt so alone in high school. I spent plenty of nights crying myself to sleep.
  • As an adult in Ohio I went through such a profound time of depression I missed a month or two of work because of exhaustion and other physical symptoms. My wife called her mom and said, “Pray for Anthony. He’s falling apart.”
  • I have adult-onset ADD.
  • Our church in Ohio became so volatile that it pushed me out of the Mennonite circle and even out of Ohio.
  • My dad was at one point over 300 lbs. I have genetics that tend in that direction.
  • I have had neighbors who scream and curse at each other while I’m outside playing with my boys
  • My Dad died from pancreatic cancer.

If “What’s been done for us” chronicles the things that helped us thrive, then “What’s been done to us” chronicles the things we have to survive.  These are the things sometimes simply challenge us and other times threaten to break us. This is what some have called the “dark threads” in the tapestry of our lives. I love the scene in the Lord of the Rings where Frodo is talking to Gandalf in the mines of Moriah. Frodo says that he wishes the ring had never come to him, and that the unfolding events weren't happening. Gandalf responds, " So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

We all have rings that we wish had never come to us. We all wish we did not have to see such times. But…it’s not ours to decide. Our choice involves what we do with the time (or the situations) that are given to us. And that’s the third part of the story: “What We Do.”

  • I didn't ask for my temper, but  kicked a mower and cut off a couple toes.
  • I played basketball above all other sports.
  • I didn't plan to meet Sheila, but I chose to marry Sheila.
  • I committed my life to Christ.
  • I went to college and got degrees.
  • I moved to TC, and have worked at TC Christian and this church.
  • I was blessed with some great jobs, but I chose to work myself into the ground and fall apart.

Sometimes, this list of “What’s Been Done For Us and To Us” and “What We Do”all jumble together. My Mennonite heritage was both a gift and a burden. My ADD is on some days a gift for me and on other days a burden to me. My wife and I will both tell you that on some days we each feel like the other was a gift, and on other days we each feel like the other was a burden.  In all these areas, I still made decisions about what kind of person to be.

As our lives unfold these things will continue.  The things done for us and to us are going to happen. Some of those things will amaze us and some of those things will dismay us. That’s life. We can’t get around it. Part of what we mean when we talk about “trust” and “faith” in our life with Christ is that we believe that God is sovereign and faithful in the midst of any circumstance.

 I think that’s what we mean when we say things like, “Let go and let God.” Huge chunks of our life story are written for us. We won’t always like certain chapters, and we will love others. But we know that the Author and Finisher of our Faith (Hebrews 12:2)  has it under control. We can always find his words, his voice, his presence in the text, and we know that no matter what we think of the story, He is going to write the final, eternal chapter, and all that happened before then will fade away.

Meanwhile, how can we write our part in our story in a way that honors God?  Andy Stanley wrote in Principles of the Path (and I paraphrase slightly) that we can never accomplish the will of God by violating the principles of God, breaking the specific commands of God, or ignoring the wisdom of God. So let’s look at how we can live in the will of God by using these three tools He has given us.

  • General Principles: Will I violate or affirm a general principle found in God’s Word?
  • Specific Commands: Will I break or keep a specific command found in God’s Word?
  • Practical Wisdom: What will I harvest if I plant this?

Should I go to college or get a job?

General Principle: Lots of verses tell us to steward our time and money. Specific Command: You probably aren’t going to find one. Practical Wisdom: Is found in the counsel of others and an inventory of our skills and goals.

 I’m earning money. What can I do with it that writes Godly wisdom into my story?

 General Principle: Don’t love money (Hebrews 13:5; Proverbs 19:17). Specific Command: Be generous and ready to share (1 Timothy 6:17-19; 1 John 3:17). Practical Wisdom: I don’t want to be controlled by money (Ecclesiastes 5:10;Matthew 6:24).

 Someone has sinned against me. I have been wronged! What should I do?

 General Principle: Love one another as Christ loved us (John 13:34). Specific Command: Forgive repentant sinners (Matthew 6:14-15). Practical Wisdom: Do for others what you want done for you (Matthew 7:12)

 My kids are just bad / My parents are failures. How should I respond with wisdom?

General Principle: Honor all people (1 Peter 2:17). Specific Command: Honor your parents/love your wife/respect your husband/don’t provoke kids (Ephesians 6; Colossians 3). Practical Wisdom: Homes with mutual honor flourish (Ephesians 6:1-3)

Our stories will continue to be written. What’s done to us and for us is out of our control. What God enables us to do is not. God’s principles, God’s commands, and God’s wisdom can help us to tell a story that builds us up, blesses those around us, and ultimately points toward a Savior who has lived the greatest story of all.


  • Make a list of the Things Done For You, Things Done To You, and Things You Have Done that have worked together to bring you where you are today. Be honest! Which ones should you celebrate (things done for you and things you have done well) and which ones should you surrender (trusting God with what’s been done to you to God; repenting for the areas in which you have failed).
  • How is God writing your story both then and now?
  • What story do you want to tell 10 years from now (in your family, your finances, friendships, education, personal integrity, health, understanding of the Bible, walk with Christ, prayer life).What must you do to get there?


I am deeply indebted to Andy Stanley's "The Principles of the Path" for the main ideas in this series (and some of specific language, such as "Direction, not intention, determines as our destination"). I highly encourage you to buy and consume this excellent book!

How To Ask Directions (The Path of Life)

 When my family went to the Grand Rapids Zoo a couple weeks ago, the first thing we did was get a map. Why? Because we wanted to know where to go to see the things we wanted to see. We wanted to be able to know where we were. We wanted to know how to handle our time so we could be done before the zoo closed.We all use maps. We like to know where we are and where we should go and how to get there. There’s two ways we get them: people give them to us, and we choose them.

 Sometimes, other people hand us a map that we use it consciously or subconsciously. We think it shows us where we are in life and where we are supposed to go. 

  • Parents who say, “You will never be good enough” or act like they are ashamed of their children are handing them a map that says, “You are here in the City of Never Good Enough.”
  • Parents who say, “Do your best; it’s okay if it’s not perfect!” and treat them as of they are precious gifts from God are handing them a map that says, “You are here in a City where your Worth is not the same as Your Accomplishments.”
  • People who treat us like objects and misuse or abuse us are handing us a map that says, “You are here in the city of Worthless.”
  • People who love us with the love of Christ are handing us a map that says, “You are here in the City of Eternal Value.”

If we aren’t able to see the bad maps for what they are, we believe them. When we move in life we take the road that we think we deserve. “You are here” has always meant, “I am unworthy of love and respect,” so we keep taking the road that takes us to other familiar places. Everywhere we go we subconsciously do things that ensure we will end up in another town – another relationship, another situation – that confirms this.  

On the other hand, if we believe that “You are here” means “I am a beloved child of God with eternal value and worth,” then we move toward the places where we both experience and pass on these things. Even when we see optional paths and different destinations, we tend to follow the path and journey toward the place that makes those assumptions continue.

So there are maps given to us that we continue to use often without begin aware of it. But when it comes to the things in our life that we can control (things we do rather than the things done to us) we also choose maps. This is our overriding belief or set of priorities that guides our journeys. 

  • “Follow your heart” is a map.
  • “Do what feels good” is a map.
  • “The most important thing is that I am happy” is a map.
  • “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength” is a map.

So our background hands us a map, and we also choose our own maps. We count on them to tell us who we are and where we are supposed to go. The problem isn’t that we have them; the problem is that we don’t always know if the information is true. Is this really who I am? Am I really where I think I am? Are the destinations and paths I assume are good actually good? How do we resolve this dilemma?

Part of the good news of the Gospel is that Christ can set us free from being enslaved by the maps others have given us. When we give our lives to Christ we become members of His family, we become citizens of another country, we put off the old and put on the new. Christ remaps our lives. He redeems where we are and redefines where we should go. This is good news. We have been given a new map. The trouble, though, is that it takes time to understand what it means that we really are in a new place, and we tend to carry our old lousy maps along with us. It takes some time break old habits; we are still harvesting what’s been planted before in a practical sense.

 How do we make sure we understand where we are, and that the only map we are following is the one God has given us for our lives?


As Christians, we already have the Holy Spirit working in our lives as a Counselor (John 16:8), a Helper (Romans 8), a Comforter (John 14:27) and Equipper (1 Corinthians 12). God is working within us constantly. With His help, we are able to do the following three things effectively as we work on our life’s map.


“DEMONSTRATE Your ways, O Eternal One.
Teach me to understand so I can follow. EASE me down the path of Your truth.
FEED me Your word
because You are the True God who has saved me.
I wait all day long, hoping, trusting in You... He teaches sinners the way with JUSTICE, He directs the humble in all that is right,
and He shows them His way. KIND and true are all the ways of the Eternal to the people who keep His covenant and His decrees.”(Psalm 25:4-5; 8-10)

 The imagery for “teaching” and "directing" is that of shooting an arrow or pointing a finger. God will do this for to show sinners how to leave their sin, and for the humble or needy to show them a good course for their life. ( And how does He do this? In Psalm 25, it’s with His covenant and His words – or in other words, the Bible, the written text of God’s revelation to us. It points us in the right direction spiritually (that's for all of us sinners) and practically (for all of us who are in need of help or guidance). So our prayer is that God teach and direct us through His Word. Why is this so important?


“Since childhood you have known the holy Scriptures, which enable you to be wise and lead to salvation through faith in Jesus. All of Scripture is God-breathed; in its inspired voice, we hear useful teaching, rebuke, correction, instruction, and training for a life that is right so that God’s people may be up to the task ahead and have all they need to accomplish every good work.” (2 Timothy 3: 15-17, The Voice)

It’s a map that points us toward salvation (Christ’s rescue of us from spiritual destruction) and shows us where and how to do good work (actions that complete our purpose). 


  • “Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.” 12:15
  • “Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.” 13:10
  • “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise...” 19:20
  • “In an abundance of counselors there is safety.” 11:14
  • “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.” 15:22

 Wise people are honest about their limits and seek the advice and help of others. (Parenting, marriage, finances, does God exist, how do I live well, how do I know what matters in life?) People who never consult others about their maps will be limited in their ability to see where they are and where they should go.  Asking directions is not a sign that you lack wisdom: it’s a sign that you have wisdom.

We are supposed to ask for directions from our godly friends –but they need to be friends who know the way, whether it be spiritual or practical issues. There are at least 3 signs that you are asking advice from people who know the way.

  • They have earned the right to be asked. Now that football season is going, all kinds of commentators are weighing in on what they think will happen or what teams should do. Do you know who gets hired? Guys who have played. And the longer they play and the more successful they were, the more they are worth listening too. I often talk with teens about serious issues they are facing. They usually talk to their friends, many of whom are well-meaning, serious about following God, and have good character. Even then the advice is often not that good. They just haven’t learned enough about life. The same thing can happen with adults. Before you make important decisions, find those with age and experience appropriate to the issue. This does not mean everyone who is older had good advice, but in general, those with experience have more to offer than those who don’t have that experience.
  • They know the issue. Don’t ask me how to fix your car or draft a fantasy football team. You might as well let a monkey give it a shot. If the cast of Jersey Shore write a book on integrity and self-restraint, I’m not buying it. But when Steve Forbes has something to say about money, it’s worth listening to. If you want to be a talk show host, listen to everything Oprah has to say, but don't listen to her if you want to hear truth about God. Your friend at work might be a great person who understands you; that doesn’t mean she knows how to answer your questions about marriage, or investing, or why God allows suffering.
  • They aren’t afraid to challenge you. If your advisors owe you (you're an employer), or they benefit from you in some kind of tangible way (you always pay the restaurant bill or you're the one financing the parties), or they think you are some kind of celebrity, they probably aren’t the ones you need to go to for certain kinds of advice. They are likely to always tell you that your ideas, personality and character are awesome even if they aren’t.  

So we pray for God’s Spirit to lead us, to illuminate Scripture and direct us toward wise friends. Then we read the Bible and we ask directions from those who know the way.


 Questions Worth Asking:

  • In what paths of my life do I need a godly map?
  • Am I praying for the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and direction, or am I just thinking about it?
  • What does the Bible have to say? Does the Bible speak specifically to my dilemma? (“Don’t steal.”) Does it speak generally? (“Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the King.”) Is the Bible silent? (I wonder if I should get a dog or a cat for my kids to play with?)
  • Who do I know that has earned the right to be asked about this particular issue?
  • Who will give me honest feedback (and am I ready to hear it)?

Divine GPS: Submission and Trust (The Path of Life)

I remember a television game show when I was young where, when a contestant won, they were asked to choose one of three prizes that were behind closed curtains. Generally there would be one of very little monetary value behind one, and then another of greater value, and lastly, one of very great value: like an all expense paid trip, plus a set of expensive luggage, plus…..a pocket full of cash to spend on the trip. Seems that more often than not, the contestant would choose the lesser-valued items - and then, of course, everyone would GASP when the other curtains were opened and the other wonderful prizes were revealed!

The contestants can’t be blamed, of course, for their poor choices because there was NO WAY TO KNOW what was behind each curtain! If the curtains had been wide open from the start of the game show, I suspect most contestants would have chosen more wisely. This morning we’ll look at three important premises about our choices, and hopefully, we’ll gain some insight into charting a better course for ourselves from here on. Here’s the first premise:

Premise 1 - Choices are now – outcomes are later.

Well, Duh, you might say. Seems so obvious! The student who doesn’t study on Sunday night for a scheduled test on Monday morning isn’t surprised when he fails miserably. The ice fisherman who drives his Trail Blazer out onto the lake the morning after the first freeze isn’t surprised when his SUV becomes a submarine. These cause and effect situations aren’t a great surprise to any of us. and generally we survive these without destroying our lives. But a lot of these outcomes aren’t just later; they’re often much later!In the real world of living successfully, it’s these choice-patterns with the distant outcomes that tend to really matter in our lives.

  •  the long spell between the first cigarette at 15 years old and the emphysema at 45 or lung cancer at 60
  •  the connection between frequent, casual sex as a teenager and cervical cancer at 30.
  • the workaholic dad, always working extra hours at 30, then realizing at 50 that he doesn’t know his grown children.
  •  the young-married couple who decides to put $100 into the bank every payday, and ends up with a significant saving’s account at retirement.

Patterns have a cumulative effect, whether for good or bad. And although each of these scenarios make sense in retrospect, they often elude us while they’re happening. But it need not be so!

Premise 2 – Choosing (and following) the right path begins with submission to God. …..not information!

We seldom fail for lack of information. John 13:17, reads, "If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them!"   In Andy Stanley’s book (Principles of the Path) he tells a sad story of a couple, Ed and Linda, who had been married for two decades, but now are on the verge of bankruptcy and divorce.

“As they sat tearfully in my office they told of how they met with a financial advisor ten years prior. Together, they devised a plan to reduce debt and even create savings. They said it seemed like a highly doable strategy to turn things around and they left the financial planner’s office with a lot of optimism. So why were they sitting in my office drowning in red ink, I asked. Upon arriving home with the road map to financial freedom in their hands, Ed put the binder full of information in a drawer and never looked at it again. It wasn’t that Linda disagreed with the plan. On the contrary, they thought both it was highly doable. They just never doable’d it!”

If you were in some of the conversations in my church office over these thirty-plus years I’ve been on staff, or if you were to spend time with pastor Anthony or Pastor Scott, we could each tell you of numerous situations just like this one in Andy’s book. We could give many examples of meeting with folks in the midst of difficult situations or entanglements. Often it seemed to us that the “way out” was fairly straightforward, and we’d give step-by-step plans for moving out of the bad place and into a better place in life only to find out later that the advice went totally unheeded. Our problem is seldom due to lack of sufficient information. What we lack is the willingness to DO what the information clearly points to.

What does SUBMISSION to God look like? Submission is voluntarily placing oneself under the control of another. Biblically speaking, that would be voluntarily placing yourself under the control of God. Wow! Interesting how something what sounds so simple could be so difficult! Interesting: The word, SUBMIT, is a Greek word which was originally a military term meaning “to arrange troop divisions under the command of a leader.” In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, of cooperating, of sharing a burden.” In other words, when the word submit is used in the Bible, it refers not only to a yielding and obedient attitude of the heart, but also, and equally importantly, to an attitude of co-operation and support. Our failure to trust or submit to our Heavenly Father will lead to unintended destinations, complete with unintended consequences. Our human wisdom and the resulting choices we make, simply don’t stack up against the perfection of God’s wisdom and choices for us.

Proverbs 3:5 says is so well: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; RE: “lean not” – the term translated lean literally means to prop something up against something else; to be supported by it. Picture propping our life up “against God.” In simple terms it means trusting God’s Word rather than our logic. Proverbs 3:6 says,  "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  Not “most of” your ways….ALL of your ways - dating, sex, marriage, parenting, entertainment, jobs, finances, etc. - All means all. Acknowledge now means a token tip of the hat, but then it meant to recognize who He is (speaking) and to respond accordingly. In other words, do what he says. 

 Premise 3 – Independence is our problem.

And it is the opposite of submission. Independence leads us to trust (or, lean on) our own wisdom. In simplest language…it’s pride, also known as The Reason I Sometimes do Stupid Stuff!” If ever there was a man who could have trusted his own ability is was Solomon (the wisest man who ever lived). We read the following in 1 Kings 3:7-13:

" O LORD my God, now you have made me king instead of my father, David, but I am like a little child who doesn’t know his way around. 8 And here I am among your own chosen people, a nation so great they are too numerous to count! 9 Give me an understanding mind so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great nation of yours?” 10 The Lord was pleased with Solomon’s reply and was glad that he had asked for wisdom. 11 So God replied, “Because you have asked for wisdom in governing my people and have not asked for a long life or riches for yourself or the death of your enemies— 12 I will give you what you asked for! I will give you a wise and understanding mind such as no one else has ever had or ever will have! 13 And I will also give you what you did not ask for—riches and honor! No other king in all the world will be compared to you for the rest of your life!"

Solomon starts well, but…  

"Now King Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides Pharaoh’s daughter, he married women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon, and from among the Hittites. 2 The LORD had clearly instructed his people not to intermarry with those nations, because the women they married would lead them to worship their gods. Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. 3 He had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. And sure enough, they led his heart away from the LORD. 4 In Solomon’s old age, they turned his heart to worship their gods instead of trusting only in the LORD his God, as his father, David, had done. 5 Solomon worshiped Ashtoreth, the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech, the detestable god of the Ammonites." (1 Kings 11:1-5)

God didn’t tell Solomon that He’ll straighten out the paths that Solomon chooses. God said, "I’ll choose your paths!" But Solomon thought he “knew better” than God…and he goes terribly wrong, harming himself and their entire nation. Pride, perhaps more than anything else, has the potential to override God’s wisdom. Here was the wisest man in the world, brought down by arrogance. Declaring dependency on a foreign King rather than God. (We do this!) Solomon went astray, not because he lacked wisdom, but because he was not submitted to God. 

The Heart of the Matter (The Path of Life)

Have you ever justified something in a way that you know made no sense – but it was the best you had in the moment? We have this very human tendency to use our mind to justify after the fact what our heart desired in the moment. We do things we feel like doing, then in hindsight we scramble to come up with reasons that at least seem good to us. We listen to our hearts, then tell our heads to justify our actions. “Follow your heart, listen to your heart” are mantras we hear in some form all the time.

 The problem is that it's a bad philosophy of life. And since God is for us, and He cares about us enough to give us some insight into how we work and how life works, it’s no surprise that the Bible has given us some insight into why simply “following your heart” is a bad idea.

The prophet Jeremiah records God’s message to the Israelites at a time when they had walked far from God. After telling them that those who trust in the strength of people are like bushes in a wasteland where there’s no water and the ground is sowed with salt, he makes a sharp contrast:

Blessed is the one who trusts in Me alone;
 the Eternal will be his confidence. He is like a tree planted by water,
 sending out its roots beside the stream.
 It does not fear the heat or even drought.
 Its leaves stay green and its fruit is dependable, no matter what it faces. (Jeremiah 17:7-9)

 The person who trusts in God is grounded, fearless, and bears fruit, which is another way of saying that this kind of person is being everything he or she was made to be. Awesome! Jeremiah continues: 

 The heart is most devious and incurably sick. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:10)

 Well. This seems like an abrupt change of thought. The context is that God is explaining how life in His path will bring life, but a life in rebellion to him will bring some serious trouble. The Septuagint says, "The heart is deep," a bottomless pit full of sin. Perhaps that is why Proverbs 28:26 warns us, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool.” I am going to give us two principles to help us avoid the trouble lurking in our heart, and two principles to help us embrace the wisdom that comes from God.

First Principle to Help Us Avoid Trouble: Own our problems.

They rarely come from lack of information or insight. They usually come from a lack of commitment to truth. We choose to do things often without thinking and specifically without thinking of the consequences. We follow our heart and just decide we don’t really want to wrestle with why we are doing a particular thing, or what the consequences will be. Then when we get caught (or our head kicks in), something wells up from within this bottomless container of deceit and we justify the desires of our hearts rather than taking the opportunity to challenge the goodness of what we wanted.

In 1 Samuel 15:13-20, God told Saul to come back from a battle with nothing. He was not supposed to collect spoils of war – the Israelites weren’t supposed to be a marauding tribe. But Saul brings back a bunch of livestock. God speaks to the prophet Samuel, Samuel goes to confront him, and the following happens:

When Samuel reached him, Saul said, “The Lord bless you! I have carried out the Lord’s instructions.” But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears? What is this lowing of cattle that I hear?” Saul answered, “The soldiers brought them from the Amalekites; they spared the best of the sheep and cattle to sacrifice to the Lord your God, but we totally destroyed the rest.”

 “Sure, I disobeyed God…but I did it so I could worship him better!” That’s a gutsy excuse. Saul wants to justify what his heart desires: keeping the spoils of war. He did the wrong thing, but thinks he can make it right if can find a really good justification. Samuel gives the well-known response:

“But Samuel replied, "What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”

 Saul’s problem was not a lack of information or insight. He knew God’s instruction. Saul’s problem was a lack of obedience, of commitment to truth and submission to God.

Second Principle To Help Us Avoid Trouble: Question our reasons.

How many times have you asked your kids, “Why did you do that?” Or, “What were you thinking?” And they get this deer-in-the-headlights look because they weren’t thinking. They were just doing, and usually their justifications or excuses are pretty transparent.  We adults are a little quicker on our feet, and we can come up with some clever excuses. We try to smooth over our bad decisions by coming up with reasons, and we treat all our reasons as if they are legitimate even if they are not. Simply having a reason doesn’t make the reason good or the action right. 

  • The married man who wants to flirt with the cute lady at work justifies what his heart desires: “I just want to make sure she is doing her job well.”
  • The workaholic who is avoiding conflict at home or the emptiness inside justifies: “We really need the money right now.”
  • The employee who cheats on time cards or take small things justifies: “Everybody knows we don't get paid enough.”
  • The person who gossips justifies: “I just want other people to know how to pray.”
  • The person who holds a grudge justifies: “If I let it go I will just enable their bad behavior. I don’t think they will ever change. They earned it!”
  • I knew a lady in Ohio who moved from counselor to counselor. She always claimed that they never understand her, or they don’t listen, or… The reality is they held up a mirror she didn’t want to see. It seemed easier to avoid, and she never got to the heart of the issue that kept her in counseling for years.
  • I knew a man who moved from church to church because “the people are judgmental. “ Or maybe, when people are honest, he didn't want to hear it.

 They all had reasons. But simply having a reason doesn’t make the reason good or the action right. When our reasons follow our decisions, that’s often a bad sign. If we follow our heart and then use our head, we will often either regret what we did or scramble to find a way to justify what we shouldn’t have done.  We need to bring our head and our heart together.

So What Is The Solution?

First Principle To Help Us Embrace Wisdom: Give our hearts and minds to Christ.

God offers to do a work in us that is independent of our ability to live well. Through the prophet Ezekiel, God’s message to Israel was:

 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your sin-hardened heart of stone and give you a tender, Spirit-lead heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God. I will save you from all your uncleanness.” (Ezekiel 36:24-29)

Paul wrote to the early church in Rome:

  “In light of all I have shared with you about God’s mercies, I urge you to offer your bodies as a living and holy sacrifice to God, a sacred offering that brings Him pleasure; this is your reasonable, essential worship. Do not allow this world to mold you in its own image. Instead, be transformed from the inside out by renewing your mind. As a result, you will be able to discern what God wills and whatever God finds good, pleasing, and complete.” (Romans 12:1-2)

 In addition, God gives us His Word to guide us:

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

So we have God’s Spirit within you to transform our hearts and God’s Word in front of us to help us discern the battlefield inside us.

Second Principle To Help Us Embrace Wisdom: Make sure you have good reasons for your decisions. 

First of all, be honest. This may be tough, but think of something you really want to do (or something you are doing) and answer this question: 

  • The real reason I check in on that girl at work is…
  • The real reason I don't’ talk with my spouse is…
  • The real reason I don’t call my kids (or parents) is…
  • The real reason I drink too much…
  • The real reason I don’t go to church regularly…
  • The real reason I don’t pray…
  • The real reason I don’t want to forgive them…
  • The real reason I pad my time card…
  • The real reason I stopped and bought 3 cups of coffee today…
  • The real reason I watch “Glee”…
  • The real reason I want to buy a new house…
  • The real reason I want to change jobs…
  • The real reason I want to date someone new…
  • The real reason I avoid warning signs about my health
  • The real reason I am pulling back from people
  • The real reason I don’t want to commit fully to Christ…

Second, be proactive.

There are at least three questions to ask when facing decisions.

  • If someone in my circumstance came to me for advice, what would I recommend? Would I tell them to do what I am about to do? Would I tell them to buy a car they can’t afford? Would I tell them to withdraw from conflict instead of confront it? Would I tell them to hold a grudge?
  • What do my godly friends think?  Not just any friends, because people with a different set of values will reach conclusions that are not necessarily biblical. It’s not like Christians have the corner on good advice. But specifically when it comes to ethical decisions, be sure you give weight to a godly voice that you have good reason to trust.
  • In light of my past experience and future hopes, what is the wise thing to do?  Has this worked before? If not, why do I think it will work now?  Last time I yelled at my kids, was that productive? I want to be a person whose thought life is pure – is what I’m watching or listening to going to lead me to that place?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t rely on your own understanding. In everything you do, acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)


I am deeply indebted to Andy Stanley's "The Principles of the Path" for the main ideas in this series (and some of specific language, such as "Direction, not intention, determines as our destination"). I highly encourage you to buy and consume this excellent book!

Eyes on the Road (The Path of Life)*

Last night Sheila and I watched August: Osago County. It’s a movie based on a play which was based loosely on some members of the scriptwriter's family. It’s about three generations of dysfunction passed along on the Oklahoma plains. Part of the power of the story is that it reminds us how much our families influence us, but you also see moment after moment when a decision is made about how to act or interact, and you can see how moment after moment built this huge wall between people. Our legacies impact us, but our decisions determine our destination.

At one point, the daughters take their drug-addicted mother to the doctor to talk about putting her in a program. On the way home, the mother gets them to stop the car in the middle of a field, and she begins to run. One of the daughters chases her, and when the both finally stop from exhaustion, the script says it’s beneath “an unforgiving sky,” and the daughter says, “There’s no place to run to get away.” I’m grateful that’s not true. As much as we are talking in this series about consequences, I’m grateful that, because of Christ, because of the Holy Spirit, because of the truth in the Bible, and the church, our history is not our destiny.

That movie gave a really honest look at life without Christ. In the end, there’s nowhere to run to get away. But with Christ, we are not trapped inside our family history or inside the cycles we create through our bad decisions. I need to say that before we get into the topic today: the importance of choosing the right path.*

Our text is found in Proverbs 27:12: “The wise see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”  Let’s be honest: don’t we all at some point see the penalty of something coming up and just decide to keep going? Sometimes it’s a minor thing, but other times it's more significant. We know the penalty. We know where this is going. Last week we talked about this as living disconnected lives, as if today has no relevance for tomorrow. We disconnect the moment from the story of our life.

Obviously, as followers of Christ we believe that God forgives us, heals us, puts us back together, and gives us new life. In the spiritual world, God’s grace relieves us of paying the price we deserve for our sin. But in the practical sense of harvesting what we plant, at some point we won’t be able to sidestep the consequences of our choices.

  • Our diet and exercise routine will show up in our weight and/or overall health
  • Our hiddenness or dishonesty with our spouse will lead to a blowup or disconnection
  • Our callous interaction with our kids will leave us wondering why our kids don’t respect us or want to hang out with us
  • Ignoring Biblical boundaries and the nudging of the Holy Spirit will lead us down a road to the heartache and brokenness that sin brings.

God offers to take away the eternal consequence of our sins, but at some point, the inevitable will become the unavoidable. There are two ways to respond.

RESPONSE #1: We can choose to think we are victims when we aren't.

“It’s not fair!” Of course it is. It is entirely fair. We like to say, “I just want what I deserve in life.” Well, here we go. We are harvesting what we planted.

  • “Why did I get pregnant now?”
  • “I don’t understand why we never have enough money!”
  • “Why does everyone else know more about the Bible?”
  • “Why won’t my kids respond better to me?”
  • “I wish I had a spouse I could talk to!”
  • “Why is she so much better at ____ than I am?”

Of course, when other people are involved, some of these questions can reflect what they bring to the relationship (relationships with kids or spouse, for example). And there are truly victims of other people’s decisions - all of us have at some time paid the price for someone else’s sin. There are also times when circumstances out of our control impact us (money or level of talent). But when we make decisions that bring us to destinations we did not want, we are not victims. But if we think we are, we will insist that people forgive us and help us clean up our mess.

Let’s be clear: the Bible calls us to be forgiving people. We are to be generous to those who confess and repent. Holding a grudge is not an option for Christians. But this sermon isn’t about people who need to forgive; it’s about people who need to understand the difference between forgiveness and consequences. Consequences are what happen when you do something. That’s just how God made the world to work. Consequences are what you deserve. Other people wouldn’t have to forgive you if you hadn’t done something worth condemnation. If you suffer the consequences of your actions, no injustice has been done. That’s eminently fair. If you ask someone to forgive you, you need to approach them with the full expectation that consequences will play themselves out.

  • If you stole and you repent, you can be forgiven and still have to pay back the money or go to jail.
  • If you slept around and repent, you can be forgiven and still have to deal with broken hearts, anger, and maybe kids or STD’s.
  • If you spent 18 years creating hostility in your kids and spouse and repent, you can be forgiven and still have to do a lot of hard work rebuilding what you broke.

Forgiveness is amazing – but people have to give it because you did something that was so bad it wouldn’t just go away and be okay. It needed forgiving. You did something that required other people to overcome their selfishness and hurt and betrayal and choose to be selfless and loving instead. When forgiveness happens, you are given a second chance at great cost to the one who gave it to you – but that might mean the practical consequences still unfold. And if they do, that does not mean you have not been forgiven. For those who have given their life to Christ, the eternal spiritual penalty for our sin has been paid by Christ. In that sense, we will never have to suffer what we deserve. But in this life, even forgiven people harvest what they plant.

RESPONSE #2: You can choose to grow up.

“The wise see danger and take refuge.” We have to be thinking ahead!!!

  • When our doctor tells us that our health is in the toilet, we know it’s time to make some lifestyle changes. The wise see the signs ahead of time and take refuge.
  • When our spouse finally drags us into counseling or walks out, we know it’s time to work on our marriage. The wise see the signs ahead of time and take refuge.
  • When we are in the midst of addiction, we know it’s time to start thinking about accountability. The wise see the signs ahead of time and take refuge.
  • When the pregnancy test is positive, we know it’s time to start thinking about our sexual choices, or whether or not we wanted kids. The wise see the signs ahead of time and take refuge.

Rather than getting caught up in trying to justify or blame, you have the opportunity to take a huge step forward by asking this simple question:“In light of my past experience and my future hope, what is the wise thing to do?”*  The wise learn and then plan ahead so they can do something today.

The wise move out from that relationship that dishonors God today. They learned from their past experience (they connect their actions and the consequences), they have a plan for holiness (they aren’t victims), and they act because they know different decisions take them to a different destination.The wise start a budget today,  join an accountability group today,  begin studying today, call a friend for coffee today, take their spouse out on a date and start the hard conversations today, go out of their way to connect with their kids today… \

In the next couple weeks we are going to talk about the importance of truth, submission to Christ, and the importance of Godly friends. But for this week, pray and seek counsel on this area of focus: am I simple or wise? In light of my past experience and future hope, what is the wise thing to do?

“The wise see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” (Proverbs 27:12)


I am indebted to Andy Stanley's Principles of the Path for the foundational principles in this series. I highly recommend that you buy his book and read it!

The Great Disconnect (The Path of Life)*

We have to be honest about how we got to where we are. We have to own the ways in which we chose to take certain steps, and those steps turned into a journey, and the journey brought us to our destination. Our direction determines our destination.* We often have a pretty good idea about how we want our destination to look, but we undermine the very goals we are trying to reach: 

  • She wants to marry a great Christian guy - but hangs out at night clubs and goes through man after man.
  • He want a great sex life once he’s married - but beds every girl he can.
  • She wants a great relationship with her husband - but prioritizes the kids.
  • She want a great relationship with his kids – but never enters into their world.
  • He want his kids to respect him - but openly flirts with other people or never treats the kids respectfully.
  • He want to develop closeness to God - but spends all her time on the internet or watching football
  • He want to grow old with his wife, kids and grandkids - but neglects his health and his relationship with everyone on that list
  • She wants her children to make God a priority - but skips church all the time and never actually take up a cross and experience the resurrection life in Christ
  • He wants to get a high-paying job - but never works hard or studies.

Then they end up at destinations they don’t want and get bewildered – “How did I get here?” In many ways, they pushed the dominoes. One by one. We have to be honest about how where we are got disconnected from where we want to be. We forget that God has put a principle in place in the world: we will harvest a destination that will match what we planted with our decisions. Our attention determines your decisions, and our decisions determine our destination.

Proverbs 7:6-27 gives us insight into this progression. This passage shows how our current reality is connected to our past decisions. It “connects the dots” by gives us some signs that will warn us when we are moving toward a place we don’t want to be. The writer presents Wisdom and Folly as two different women, one calling us in the direction life in the Kingdom of God, the other calling us to sin and destruction.

"One day I was at the window of my house,
looking out through my lattice shutters, And there among the usual crowd of the gullible people
I spotted a naive young man. He was going down the street near the corner where she lived—that mysterious and evil woman —
taking the road that led directly to her house."

Warning Sign #1: Hanging out with a bad crowd. Warning Sign #2: Being gullible and naïve. Warning Sign #3: Heading down a bad road. This is a bad combination. He is easily deceived - he’s not that good as sensing whether things are heading the wrong way or not. He’s on a road that has an obvious conclusion but is unaware. And the crowd is not providing any good advice for him. If he was even aware and steady he could be with a bad crowd in a bad situation as a holy presence. If he were with a crowd of good friends they would be on a mission trip as they ministered to others in this compromised situation. But none of that is happening. He lacks moral and social common sense. It’s a bad start.

Bad friends will put you into compromising situations so that you will compromise. They will encourage and applaud your downfall. Good friends will walk you through and away from bad situations, and encourage and applaud your honor and integrity.

"At the end of the day, as night approached
and darkness crept in, I saw her! A woman came out to meet him. She was dressed like a prostitute and devious with her affections. Here’s what I know about her: she is loud and obnoxious, a rebel against what is proper and decent."

 Warning Sign #4: Noisy rebellion against all that is proper and decent. I know it’s cool to talk about being rebellious and beating the system and not listening to the man. But you have to rebel against the right things. If I rebel against my doctor’s orders, I’m foolish. If I rebel against the ad campaign that tells me I can go to Vegas and do what I want, I’m wise. I am grieved by all the award shows on TV that reward vulgar language, blatant sexuality and anti-religious sentiment as if somehow saying and doing those things makes the artists exceptional geniuses. “They’re are so cool!” No, they lack social and moral common sense. Time Magazine recently listed 100 movers and shakers. Miley Cyrus was lauded for boldly and smartly recreating herself after her Hannah Montana phase. If you think that shift is heroic, smart or cool, you’ve bought the lie. It’s a tragedy worthy or our tears and prayers.

When rebellion looks sexy and edgy, you’re probably rebelling against the wrong thing. Godly rebellion is a gritty and costly fight the true, good, and noble.

“She’s always on the move—anxious to get out of the house and down the street; at times in the open,
at others lurking around every corner.”

Warning Sign #5: Restlessness instead of peace. She is never satisfied, never at peace, never at rest. Something’s not right. It’s not as if she is restless because she is responding to God’s call, or because she realizes she is wasting her life. No, it’s a restlessness to bring others into her sin. It’s the nature of sin to never be satisfied. C.S. Lewis described it in The Screwtape Letters as “an ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure.

”As I am watching them, she grabs him and kisses him,
then shamelessly tells him: ‘It was my turn to offer a peace offering,
 and today I paid my vows and prepared a feast with my portion, so now I come to see you.
I really want to be with you, and what luck! I have found you! You’ll be impressed. I have decorated my couch,
laid colorful Egyptian linens over where we will be together, and perfumed the bed with exotic oils and herbs: myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon."

Warning Sign #6: When you justify something because other religious people do it. She is apparently Jewish, since she took her peace offering to the temple (she sacrificed something) and returned home with her portion. In other words, she’s an observant Jew. Sin often hides behind religious pretension. “My friends said it was okay, and they go to church.” The mind justifies what the heart desires. Guard your heart and mind.

Warning Sign #7: When someone has to sell you something that shouldn’t need selling. I’ll be honest: if my wife says, “You know, I was thinking…” she doesn’t have to tack on all kinds of extras. I don’t need to be tricked or enticed for sex. I’m not thinking, “I wonder if we have the Egyptian linens and cinnamon.” Satan can never give us something in the fullness of God’s design. Sin always deprives us of the something good in what we pursue. And so it has to make up for it by bringing in all kinds of other good things to prop up the experience when it fails to deliver as promised.

When something that ought to be good and fulfilling on its own merits has to be surrounded by really cool things for it to seem good and fulfilling, that’s a warning sign.

"Come in, and we will be intoxicated with love until sunrise;
we will delight ourselves in our affections. You don’t need to worry; my husband is long gone by now,
away from home on a distant journey. He took a bag of money with him,
 so I don’t expect him home until next month."

Warning Sign #8: The allure of penalty-free sin. It’s so easy to think, “Well, what I’m about to do won’t hurt anybody. We are both adults and we agreed. I can do this with no consequences.” But sin always has wages; it will pay you for the work you do in its service. Sin promises short-term pleasure at the expense of long term joy, but you will eventually harvest what you plant.

"It worked! She enticed him with seductive words, seduced him with her smooth talk. Right away he followed her home.
He followed her like a bull being led to the slaughter,
like a deer heading toward a trap, like a bird flying straight into a net.
 He had no clue his life was at stake; everything was about to change. This is why it is so important that you listen to me, my sons,
and pay attention to all I am telling you. Do not let your mind wonder about her ways;
do not lose yourself and drift down her path, for she’s claimed one life after another,
victim after victim, too many to count. Her house is the gateway to the grave;
every step toward her is a step toward death’s dark chamber."

Our decisions determine our destination. We have to be honest about how the choices we’ve made have influenced where we are. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – God is for you. He has revealed principles in the Bible that are for our benefit. God does not want you to end up in the dark chamber of spiritual death.


* I have pulled the main principle in this series from Andy Stanley's book Principles of the Path. I highly recommend that you read it!

Follow The Signs (The Path of Life)

Have you ever heard the phrase, “No matter where you go, there you are?” It’s a catchy way of saying that you get where you are going – which seems really obvious, right? It’s not, actually. How many times do we look at our life and find ourselves baffled about how we got to the place in which we find ourselves?

  • How did my health get so terrible?
  • Why don’t I have friends?
  • Why can’t I stop shopping, drinking, worrying, moving from one romance to the next?
  • Why can’t I seem to hold a job?
  • Why do I move from one bad relationship to the next?
  • Why don’t I feel close to God?
  • Why do I keep finding myself in the same kind of bad situation over and over again?

None of set out to reach a point where we ask this kind of question – none of us said, “I'd like to go there!”  So what happened? We are going to talk about Biblical principles for living*  that will help us take the things that are within our ability to change and in a practical sense begin to experience the kind of life God intends for us to live.** 

Paul talked a lot in Colossians about how a Supreme God does a work in our life to make us something newIt is only because of Christ’s life, death and resurrection that we are saved and made right in the eyes of God.  Our souls are changed because of the work of Christ. Followers of Christ are part of what Paul calls a “new humanity” that is no longer enslaved by sin, but is free to live as God made us to live. God is a God of grace who gives the gift of true, eternal life to those who place their trust in Him, but he also offers wants us to flourish in this life before we enter eternity (John 10:10).

Christ has freed us to become the kind of person we need to be, but we have to choose the path that gets us there. This is a crucial truth about life. God has given us the ability to impact the quality and direction of our life by the choices that we are able to freely make. 

“Guide me to walk in the way You commanded because I take joy in it. Turn my head and my heart to Your decrees
and not to sinful gain. Keep my eyes from gazing upon worthless things,
and give me true life according to Your plans.” (Psalm 119:35-37) 

“Keep your head up, your eyes straight ahead, and your focus fixed on what is in front of you. Take care you don’t stray from the straight path, the way of truth, and you will safely reach the end of your road.” (Proverbs 4:25-26) 

“So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it.” (Hebrews 2:1)

We never drift in good directions. One of the first things they teach us in Driver’s Ed is that we have a tendency to drift in the direction of things that have our attention. Our attention determines our direction.

“I have pointed you in the way of wisdom;
I have steered you down the path to integrity… Pay attention to all the words I am telling you. Lean in closer so you may hear all I say. Keep them before you… set them safely in your heart. For those who discover them, they are life. They bring wholeness and healing to their bodies. Above all else, watch over your heart; diligently guard it
because from a sincere and pure heart come the good and noble things of life… Keep your head up, your eyes straight ahead,
and your focus fixed on what is in front of you. Take care you don’t stray from the straight path, the way of truth,
and you will safely reach the end of your road. Do not veer off course to the right or the left; step away from evil, and leave it behind. (Proverbs 14:11, 21-27)

So often we say, “I want to be healthy. I want to be a husband that my wife admires (or vice versa). I want to be a dependable employee. I want to know my Bible. I’m really capable of a lot. I could make a difference. If people could just see the real me, they would see what I have to offer the world.”  That may well be true. If you feel that way, keep feeling that way. And if you are a follower of Christ, the Holy Spirit and the truth in the BIble will work in your life to help you flourish. 

Just remember: Our attention trumps our intention every time. No matter how strongly we feel about what we are capable of being and no matter how much we know the power of God can transform us, until we can recognize the ways in which our choices have brought us to where we are, we will probably not have much success in making the kind of choices that will take us where we need to be. We have to turn our eyes to things of worth and focus on Christ so we can stay on the path and not drift. That’s why the Bible tells us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). 

Our attention determines our direction, and  OUR DIRECTION DETERMINES OUR DESTINATION. Paul wrote in Galatians:

Make no mistake: God can’t be mocked. What you give is what you get. What you plant, you harvest. Those who plant seeds into their flesh will only harvest destruction from their sinful nature. But those who plant seeds into the Spirit shall harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. May we never tire of doing what is good and right before our Lord because in His season we shall bring in a great harvest if we can just persist.” Galatians 6:7-9

 We are all currently experiencing a particular destination: health, friendship, a steady job, meaningful relationships, a genuine connection with God. If our lives had a rearview mirror, we could see that, by every step we took to get here, we chose a direction.  We are going to end up at new destinations, and the same principle will still apply. That’s the way God designed life to work.

A number of years ago I arrived at a destination called Burnout. I finally had to take seriously that fact that I had to change my exercise and eating habits, as well as how I managed my time. I had known that for years. In my rearview mirror the direction I had chosen was clear. I didn’t need advice about what happened. I didn’t even need a solution – I knew I had to eat better, exercise more, and rest. I experienced an important truth about life: Our freedom to choose does not free us from the practical consequences of that choice.  So often, our default is to choose the path that has our attention – and it’s usually the one that feels easy or good or even right in the moment: 

  • I think I’ll eat nachos in front of the TV like I did all last week.
  • I think I’ll stay home because I am more comfortable when there’s not people around.
  • I think I’ll just keep shopping, drinking, moving from one romance to the next because I feel better for a while.
  • I think I will keep looking up porn – it’s just entertainment, right?
  • I think I will keep going, going and going because I want to accomplish a lot with the time that I have.

And then we get frustrated because our health is shot, and we have trouble making friends, and we are spending or drinking or sleeping our way into compulsions or addictions, and that porn we thought was entertainment has become an addiction and just corrupted our thought life, and we drift away from God or our families…  And in moments of clarity we ask,  “Why is this happening to me?”

Because something the seemed good caught our attention, and that turned us in a particular direction, and then we were at a destination we never planned on – but there we are. We are harvesting what we planted. Do you want your character or your situation to change? You have to acknowledge whatever unhealthy habits have had your attention and direction, then change what you plant so the harvest can change.  


  • What are the things that have your attention right now? (Hint: look at your time and money).
  • Are you paying attention to the right things?
  • What are some things right now that deserve your attention? What doesn’t?
  • What does a spouse or close friend have to say about these questions? 


  • Has anyone confronted or affirmed you recently about a relationship or lifestyle issue?
  • Does your spouse or close friend keep bringing up the same thing (with either admiration or concern)?
  • Are you getting to defensive over things that “are no big deal"?
  • Are you responding with intentions (what you hope is your destination) instead of being honest about where you are (where your steps now are taking you)?
  • Where do you want to go in life? What kind of person do you want to be? What hard choice must you make now so you don’t pay even more later?”


* This series is based on one of Andy Stanley's books, Principle s of the Path. I highly recommend you buy it and consume it!

**Just to be clear: we’re not talking about inexplicable health issues, or abuse, or investments crashing because the economy crashed. We will be talking about ordinary moments of life when we freely make decisions to do a particular thing and live a particular way free of emotional or physical coercion.

***Some of the questions on attention and direction are from Stanley's book; some are mine.